Coming to discover that your current partner is emotionally unavailable when you feel you are in a stable relationship can be pretty painful and confusing. We always hear about friends who meet the “perfect” guy, only to find out that that person is not ready to commit to a relationship, and it hurts the other party.
It can be hard to know at first if a guy is emotionally ready to commit. If you are new to each other and don’t move in the same social circles, there is a lot of unknown territory. If you do have some common ground socially, you may notice if a guy is emotionally unavailable through how he bonds with his friends.
Sometimes, men themselves aren’t aware of the fact that they are emotionally unavailable, which could stem from the fact that they may not know what emotional availability is.
Emotional availability is so much more than just being romantic and sharing your thoughts. Emotional availability means being able to consider the other person fully, and include them in your future plans. Emotional availability is also about opening up your soul and being willing to plunge into what could be otherwise awkward and uncomfortable.
There are also so many possible reasons why someone may be emotionally unavailable. It can be due to their schedule being so hectic that they can’t really commit their time fully with another person. They may also have been deeply hurt in a past relationship and may feel that the potential pain is not just not worth the risk. Another reason may be that they just are not looking for anything serious at the moment, which can end up being a really messy affair, particularly if the other party isn’t made aware of it.
Unfortunately, there’s no surefire way of converting someone from being elusive with his feelings to being totally open. It is very much a personal struggle, that only the person who is working through it can solve. There is one caveat to consider here though, and that is that they need to be willing and committed to working on it.
It’s only natural if you would like to know whether or not the person you’re currently seeing can commit in order to improve your relationship. If you are dating someone, but you’re unsure if they are emotionally unavailable or not, here are some of the signs that may help you.
He tends not to stray from “safe” topics in conversation
Relationships can really bring out things that we tend to normally keep to ourselves. Things that could make us vulnerable, such as embarrassing stories, things that make us feel uncomfortable, our deepest desires. Openness is a sign of a healthy relationship.
But if you find that he changes the topic whenever you get into one that is potentially uncomfortable, then that is a very clear sign that he doesn’t want to discuss the matter. This could be shyness, or it could be that he is somewhat hesitant about letting you in or knowing too much about him.
This hesitation may be due to what society anecdotally tells us about men, in that “real men” don’t cry. They should not overshare and open up, and their feelings should be kept to themselves. This is why it really is up to the man to change his ways and try to learn how to open up more. That may be a challenge for the stereotypically stoic guy, as he may be very susceptible to what society may dictate.
He treats others badly
This is something to look out for. As kids, our parents would always tell us to “thank” the waitress or treat others with respect, regardless of who they are or what they do in life. Some people, however, do not share the same sentiment or values.
They are easily irked by seemingly tiny things, and staff and service crew can easily be in the line of fire over the smallest of problems without any consideration given to the circumstances. People who lack empathy can be really hard to deal with. This is also a sign of emotional unavailability as the person lacks the ability to see through other people’s perspectives and feel for them.
People who lack empathy can be really hard to deal with. This is also a sign of emotional unavailability as the person lacks the ability to see things from other people’s perspectives and empathize with them.